Living with a lazy eye

This afternoon when I was driving home from work the sun happened to be in that right spot where it was shining directly into my eyes. Instead of putting down the visor I decided to live a bit dangerously and soak up the sun (it wasn't the bright white but rather the deep yellow kind of sun). It was nice until I hit a shady part of the road and suddenly I had spots all over my vision so, I automatically shut my one eye that I usually use and used my lazy eye instead. The lazy eye wasn't looking directly into the sun so it wasn't as spotty. I did this naturally since I've always had this until suddenly I thought about how wierd that was.

I have a little bit of a lazy eye that normally isn't that noticeable unless I'm tired. I'm not really embarrassed about it but more annoyed when it's obvious that people can see it. When I was working retail (yeah for not working retail anymore!) and I would the next person in line what they wanted they would usually turn around to see who I was talking to. So annoying. Actually, I kind of think it's neat. I remember when I was a kid it really intrigued me.

I don't know if I actually use my lazy eye. When I close my lazy eye my vision stays the same (except for a little bit of peripheral). When I close my good eye, my vision shifts (about an inch or so perspective, right?). Is the visual input from my lazy eye actually going to my brain? Because it's not being integrated into the final product that my brain sees. If I close my good eye, forcing my brain to see from my lazy one, and then slllloooowwwwllllyyy open my good eye, I see from both eyes but seperately so it's like I have double vision. I remember telling my dad this when I was a kid. He didn't really understand so I looked at the table (the guys had just finished work on a Friday) and I said, "I can see two beer bottles. One here, and one there." Of course I saw two tables and two kitchens too but that's just how I explained it.

They tried to fix it when I was super young (beyond my memory). I had a patch on my good eye that was kind of like a big band-aid. There's a few good pictures of me with that eye. Mom says that she would rip it off at night when I was sleeping. Maybe that's why I don't remember. Dad nicknamed me cyclops. I thought it was great to have my own nickname. When I learned about Greek mythology I thought it was a great coincidence that they had a character also named cyclops. Until I realized that dad named me after a one-eyed monster. They also said I was a great chicken-catcher because of that one eye. I have no idea what having only one eye has to do with being able to catch a chicken. I was just quicker than the rest of them.

I also had the pleasure of testing out a theory from my optomotrist that bi-focals would fix a lazy eye. Do you know what it's like to go to grade 4 with thick bi-focals?!! You who are just trying to get used to them now when they are all chic and seemless have no idea. What a pain in the but! No wonder why I lost 3 or 4 pairs till we finally decided that it wasn't going to make a difference.

There are some differences. The eye that I use (the left one) is a teensy bit near (or is it far?) sighted. The lazy eye (the right one) has 20/20 vision. The lazy eye sees colours juuuusst a little bit bolder and brighter. Probably from less use. I can't really read that well from my lazy eye. That's a super wierd point. I can see everything just fine but I don't think I recognize words as fast or something. It's hard to explain. It's like the letters are all jumbled. Does the vision from each eye go to a different part of the brain?

I don't know if these are things that are normal with everyone's eyes or if it's just mine but I think I'll be a little disappointed if it is. I don't mind having a lazy eye. I still kind of have soft spot in my heart for cyclops.

Surfing

Feeling a little bit guilty about the amount of time I'm surfing on the internet today, I'm inspired to think about how one site leads to another, leads to another, leads to another.... and the list goes on. Surfing the internet is like conversing with a person. I find if I don't speak with a friend for a long time, I find I don't know what to talk about. And then you see those couples that have been together forEVER and they seem to have so much to talk about still. The same goes for the internet with me. When I haven't been on in a while, I don't really have much to browse through. The more I'm on, though, the more I get sucked in a find more. So here's how my surfing went today:
- check my gmail
- check my facebook. Facebook goes waaaay to slow here so I moved on...
- oh ya, I got a lead at work here about a Farm Training place that looked interesting called Everdale It is a super neat place that I want to keep tucked in my memory for future reference. - Well, they have a video on youtube. Well, actually it's a collection of videos. They were neat to watch. The last one was neat too and it looks like the maker of it has her own website.
- Meghan Telpner is a nutritionist. I love nutrition. mmmm food. Her website was interesting (even though in an inteview she said something about not wanting to become a Birk-wearing hippie) and had a lot of other links on her blog, Making Love in the Kitchen, to websites that I wanted to check out but, since a client walked it I haven't followed up on those links but possibly in the future I'll go back and check them out (lunapads, redtentsisters, all from an interesting post that I think Sarah would like.... like in 5 minutes.
- But back to Everdale because another client walked in and I paniced a little because I had "Save the Vag" written on my screen and needed to shut that down fast. I just barely got into all the resources available on Everdale when I saw a link that I've been interested in:
- Harvest Homes is a straw-bale home builder. I don't know much about straw bale homes but the idea really attracts me. I would LOVE to live in a straw bale home. They look interesting and different. Of course every window sill would be wide edged so there's lots of room for plants etc. The insulation factor is a HUGE draw and I love the idea of not needing an A/C. I know Dan would still want one but it wouldn't be needed. Plus the lack of chemicals is a new factor that the website offers. And they also mentioned something about how it is building that is easy for the builders and family and friends to become involved in. I love that. I think that a group of interested family and friends should all get together and we should go on a road trip/tour of interesting workshops like a straw-building workshop.
- And then, I noticed the time and that the end of the month is coming up so I really should NOT be bored at work because an intense month-end report is due by Friday. They want all my statistics and a narrative summary of what I have been doing for the month. eek. Do you think I should add the list of websites on the browser History?

Meditation

I had to come up with some "opening words" for a meeting that I went to last night. I was a bit nervous about that since for most meetings I could come up with a devotion or Bible passage. This was a community meeting though and, for some reason, I felt that it wouldn't be right to bring something overtly Christian. Is that wrong? Probably since the event that I went to on Saturday, hosted by this board, was opened by a prayer from an Imam and traditional spiritual words in Cayuga (a native language). Either way, this is what I found:

From the outside, the monastery garden can be seen as a romantic, sentimental place of sweet spirituality. From the inside, that garden may be an enclosure of interior torments for the monks who struggle with their desires and passions and self-examinations.
At our homes we can evoke the sweet and the tormented monk in our enclosed gardens, with their trellises and gates, their walking paths and their shade. The soul seems to benefit from having an external manifestation of its internal states. The dialogue between the inner and the outer in this way is the very essence of ritual.
Gardening is a monk's way of caring for the soul.
(Written by Thomas Moore in his book "Meditations: On the Monk Who Dwells in Daily Life")

I thought it was PERFECT for both me and the group since this is the board that initiated the community garden. The board chair also brought some opening words and after looking at what I brought said that mine might be "a bit too esoteric". I had no problem with this since I was nervous anyway. I wrote this because I liked the meditation but now, as I'm writing it, I'm kind of confused and annoyed. Esoteric? What is she saying? The smart people at the table wouldn't understand the concept of "caring for the soul"? Or is it just too spiritual? I don't know. I really like the woman and respect her but right now I feel a bit ... dismissed?

So it's Sunday

And that means there's the chance of Sunday Evening Blues. And of course I've got a good case of it right now. I don't know what is so bad about tomorrow being Monday but I just don't feel like starting another week yet.
So, here comes the comfort food. Remember, my house right now is filled with the most cancer-causing, fat-building, terrible yummy foods. Anything from gummy bears and pop products to kraft cheese slices and street-meat hotdogs (thanks to Dan's end-of-the-year "bonus"). But I feel like eating..... POTATOES! I first cut up a leek (from the community garden I helped with this week), sliced up a potato, and minced half a garlic clove. I slowly fried them up in olive oil with some salt until everything was golden yummy. It was delicious. I'm pairing it with the remains of Friday nights bottle of white, sans wine glass, and am following up with a package of M&M's.
As good as this food was, I still don't feel like starting another week.

Fall?

It's barely 7:00 and it's dark already. I'm barefoot and my feet have been cold all day. The sky has been dark and gloomy all day and the weather has been cold and ominous. Fall has begun. And so, I've got a pan of cream of brocolli soup on, Randy Bachman on the radio, and a few fun recipe ideas spread out on the kitchen counter. I hope cream soups can freeze because I know that Dan won't eat it and I'm not sure if I can eat 2L of soup before it goes bad. I'm sure I could eat it but I end up getting bored of a food really fast and it just goes bad.

I have got to say, as much as I DISlike Randy Bachman (I'm only listening to him cuz he's on the CBC and I do like the music), I REALLLLLY dislike the chick that comes on the show with him. Man, does she drive me nuts!!! Holy Cow!! The two of them deserve eachother... the most annoying people ever!

The soup turned out great. Next on the list is JoAnn's fresh (not fried) spring rolls. The carrots have to marinate first. And I've got to cook the shrimp. I think sometime this week I also want to make chili the way Alisha made it when we were camping (hint hint, I'll have to get that recipe from her). I still like to make funky new recipes but I'm finding that I really have to tone it down and make some more down-to-earth, simple, easy recipes that I can make after I'm done work, otherwise I end up eating Subway every night. And with the weather changing, I should probably use the slow cooker more.

ooohhh, my feet are warming up.

Moving on...

This weekend I'm going to a 2-day conference. I won't be able to use my Sunday as a day of rest and worship but since the conference is on Horticulture Therapy, it will probably bring both, anyways. I have known about the Canadian Horticultural Therapy Association for a few years now but for some reason, I never went out and got my membership. About a month ago I saw that there is an annual conference that is going to be in Guelph this year. Finally, I sent in my registration and $$$. Yeah! One more step closer to my dreams. I'm hoping for lots of connections and collaberating. I hope to learn some new things and be inspired by other peoples lives and projects. I'm looking forward to it but it still feels a little surreal. I hope that I will finally get over another bump and keep moving forward.
Oh, and I reworked my resume, built a cover letter and applied for a new job closer to the area we both want to settle down it. I'm not counting on getting the job and if I do I'm not sure what I'll do since it's still quite a drive but it seems like a smart thing to do right now. Phew, another bump.

I thought that my cupboards and fridge were too empty to make anything good. And then... Maybe I should put off going grocery shopping so that I can come up with some more good creations. This is chickpeas, garlic, lots of curry powder and paste, badly grown tomatoes (thanks to my poor gardening skills this summer) all on top of the last of my rice.

OH YUM!!!

(worth coming out of my blogging hibernation)